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I lost everyone I loved, I tell him. I wait for him to look at me, and then I add, The day I met you.

Lauren DeStefano

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Lauren DeStefano
Age: 40
Born: 1984
Born: October 13
Author
Novelist
Connecticut
United States
Wait
Loved
Waiting
Everyone
Lost
Tell
Look
Add
Looks
Mets

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It was a terrible decision, and I confess I'd make it again.
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None of the wives mention the security guards by the door, who will probably tackle us to the ground if we try to leave without our husbands.
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Words like 'unputdownable' and 'irresistible' are simply not enough for Cat Winters's In the Shadow of Blackbirds. Days after finishing this story, it remains the first thought I have in the morning, and the thing that haunts me until I sleep.
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There is warmth shooting through my broken body where there should be pain, and I put my arms around the back of his neck and I hold on to him. I hold on because you never know in this place when something good will be taken away.
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I've done it all before, I tell myself, and I can do it again. Trust is the strongest weapon.
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We'll squeeze every second that we can from our lives, because we're young, and we have plenty of years to grow. We'll grow until we're braver. We'll grow until our bones ache and our skin wrinkles and our hair goes white, and until our hearts decide, at last, that it's time to stop.
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It's quiet for a while, and then Rowan says We could talk now. We're alone out here. No walls. There are always walls. I say.
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He sits next to me, careful to avoid my hair that's splayed out around my head like blood. A bullet to the forehead, boom, blond waves everywhere.
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The seeds are tiny, unborn things, and I resent them. They'll be planted and they'll grow into exactly what they're meant to be.
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I figured it out eventually, she says. She's sitting on the edge of the gurney again her features slowly materialize as my vision clears. It's momentum. What? I whisper. The feeling returning to my lips, spreading out to my fingertips and toes. Momentum, she repeats. You can't just stand there if you want something to fly. You have
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Things will get worse before they get better.
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I watch the ashes swim around like dandelion puffs, making swirls where bodies and walls once stood.
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When I was 11 or 12, I was really bored with everything on my summer reading list. It was all happy, middle-grade kinds of books. I was getting frustrated, because I liked to read. My mother went to the library and got me a copy of 'The Other Side of Midnight' by Sidney Sheldon. It was my first adult book.
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Give me time For you, always.
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Momentum,' She repeats. 'You can't just stand there if you want something to fly. You have to run.
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There is a dark place calling to me, but I will not go just yet. I know I can't return from it.
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There's a world out there that nobody has bothered to promise her.
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I was born into a world that was already dying I belong to it.
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It is the face of a girl who has seen the world, who realizes that it hates her, and who hates it in return.
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Bet you never eat, he says. Bet you drink up the oxygen like it's butter. Bet you can go for days on nothing but thoughts.
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