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None of the wives mention the security guards by the door, who will probably tackle us to the ground if we try to leave without our husbands.
Lauren DeStefano
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Lauren DeStefano
Age: 40
Born: 1984
Born: October 13
Author
Novelist
Connecticut
United States
Leave
Husbands
Security
Wives
Probably
Mention
Wife
Ground
Without
Door
Trying
None
Husband
Guards
Doors
Tackle
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He looks at me, and I don't know what he sees. I used to think it was Rose. But she's not here with us now, in this room. It's just him and me, and the books. I feel like our lives are in those books. I feel like all the words on the pages are for us.
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We'll squeeze every second that we can from our lives, because we're young, and we have plenty of years to grow. We'll grow until we're braver. We'll grow until our bones ache and our skin wrinkles and our hair goes white, and until our hearts decide, at last, that it's time to stop.
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I used to have only one name it used to mean something.
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I figured it out eventually, she says. She's sitting on the edge of the gurney again her features slowly materialize as my vision clears. It's momentum. What? I whisper. The feeling returning to my lips, spreading out to my fingertips and toes. Momentum, she repeats. You can't just stand there if you want something to fly. You have
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I wish I had a memory of that first violent shove, the shock of cold air, the sting of oxygen into new lungs. Everyone should remember being born. It doesn't seem fair that we only remember dying.
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I've done it all before, I tell myself, and I can do it again. Trust is the strongest weapon.
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There is warmth shooting through my broken body where there should be pain, and I put my arms around the back of his neck and I hold on to him. I hold on because you never know in this place when something good will be taken away.
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The seeds are tiny, unborn things, and I resent them. They'll be planted and they'll grow into exactly what they're meant to be.
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It's best to let her go, he says. No, no, that's wrong. It's never right to give up on someone.
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Linden just wants to protect her, is what I want to say. She's all he has. I left him. I'm at arms reach, but I've left him.
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There's a world out there that nobody has bothered to promise her.
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Good night, sweetheart, he says. Good bye, sweetheart, I say. And it's so casual, so innocent that he doesn't suspect a thing.
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Maybe hope isn't the most dangerous thing a person can have. Maybe love is.
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and I've always known it, the way I love a song I hear for the first time, even before I know all the words, the way I love my favorite color, and the way that the train would speed past my bedroom when it was very quiet and I'd feel it in my stomach rushing through me. I love you in a way that I've never felt needed to be said.
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She would do anything, anything to belong to his son after a lifetime of belonging to no one at all.
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I think humans have always been desperate. I think it has always been about doing something awful if it might help, when the only other option is death. Maybe that's what being a parent is supposed to feel like.
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You have a way of looking at things. You make it seem as though everything's going to be okay. I can't imagine a more dangerous thing to have than hope like yours.
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I start trying to stay unconscious. The problem with this is that no amount of willpower can change the reality.
Lauren DeStefano
