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I saw a sign one time that said 'hemorrhoids awareness week' at the doctor's office. Let me tell you, if you got hemorrhoids, I'm sure you are aware of it. You don't need a sign to tell anybody about it.
Larry the Cable Guy
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Larry the Cable Guy
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: February 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Pawnee City
Nebraska
Daniel Lawrence Whitney
Office
Hemorrhoids
Week
Doctor
Sure
Sign
Tell
Doctors
Need
Aware
Needs
Awareness
Time
Saws
Anybody
More quotes by Larry the Cable Guy
I have a basic theorem as to how I do my jokes. Growing up, I knew when to cross the line and when not to cross the line. It's the same with my comedy. I know what my audience will take and how much they won't take. I can't give you a formula for it. It's my own personal formula inside my head. Somebody else's might be different.
Larry the Cable Guy
Bought a pair of boots the other day, and they was some silicone gel in there. Big red letters said, Do not eat. Do they really need that stuff in them boots? Is there really some dude opening a pair of boots goin', Boy, look at them boots. What the hell? I better eat that. I don't know what the hell that is.
Larry the Cable Guy
What I do onstage, there's maybe .0001 percent of the population that acts like that. I talk like that because it makes me laugh, and because I know a couple of people that talk like that. They're really that Southern. And they do funny things. I love 'em they're awesome. They're good people.
Larry the Cable Guy
Guns don't kill people, husbands who come home early from work kill people
Larry the Cable Guy
I pretty much live on my tour bus.I do well around 300 shows a year. A lot of times I will do two shows a night.
Larry the Cable Guy
I enjoy hunting, but if I had my choice to go deer hunting or bass fishing, I'd take bass fishing any day of the week. I enjoy both of them, but yeah, I'm a very outdoorsy guy.
Larry the Cable Guy
I am called to love my neighbor, which I do. I can disagree with my neighbor about several things, but I'm not going to hate my neighbor. It's not up to me to hate anybody. It's not up to me to judge anyone. It's up to me to be nice, to be kind and to do everything I can to help somebody.
Larry the Cable Guy
I ALWAYS HAVE DONE WELL HOWEVER IN BLUE STATES AND RED STATES. IVE NEVER REALLY ALIGNED MYSELF WITH ALL THAT RED STATE BLUE STATE DR. SUESS CRAP BECAUSE WERE ALL AMERICANS AND WE ALL LIKE TO LAUGH.
Larry the Cable Guy
I know I don't want to take the Lord's name in vain, and I don't want to drop any F-bombs.
Larry the Cable Guy
I've always thought if you don't like what somebody says, don't hang out with that person. Why do you have to complain about it? Here's the thing. I don't hang out with, and I'm not friends with anybody that would offend me or I think offends me or lives a different way than I do.
Larry the Cable Guy
I disagree with a lot of things, but hey, what a person does is between them and their maker. I can disagree with somebody, and I can still be friends with them.
Larry the Cable Guy
I grew up on a pig farm in southeast Nebraska. When I started doing the Blue Collar Tour, I thought it was kind of funny because I faked my accent, so everybody thought I lived in an apartment somewhere. But I grew up on a pig farm.
Larry the Cable Guy
When you're doing comedy, it is so subjective. What is funny to you is not funny to another person. What is dirty to you is not dirty to the other person. Comedy is one of those things you throw against the wall and see what sticks.
Larry the Cable Guy
I GREW UP IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE AND HAVE ALWAYS HAD A FRIEND OR 2 THAT TALKED WITH THE SOOUTHERN ACCENT.
Larry the Cable Guy
Living in a small town you couldn't go anywhere on a Saturday where a store had the game on. If you were downtown you heard the game. If you were at the gas station you heard the game. I remember I would be mowing the lawn and I would stop for the Nebraska game. I would have it cranking outside.
Larry the Cable Guy
I don't know why people get so bent out of shape over stuff people say.
Larry the Cable Guy
Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming pencils for bad spelling
Larry the Cable Guy
I'm more of a rodeo type guy.
Larry the Cable Guy
I LOVE THE COMEDY CLUBS AND THE CLOSENESS OF THE CROWD. HOWEVER THE MORE YA DO THE BIG ROOMS THEY START TO BECOME YOUR HOME AS WELL AND YOU ADJUST TO THE SURROUNDINGS. I LOVE THEM BOTH. I MISS THE CLUBS BUT THATS WHAT YA WORK FOR TO DO THE BIG ROOMS!
Larry the Cable Guy
I THINK ITS COOL THAT OTHER CROWDS LIKE WHAT I DO. HOWEVER IVE ALWAYS HAD A GOOD MIX OF PEOPLE AT MY SHOWS. I STARTED DOING THINGS ON RADIO ON ROCK MARKETS AND ALTERNATIVE MARKETS. IVE ALWAYS BEEN A COUNTRY TYPE ACT HOWEVER I STARTED WITH THE ROCK MARKET. IM VERY INTERCHANGEABLE.
Larry the Cable Guy
