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I'd much rather be on stage talking to a couple of retards for twenty bucks than sitting at my desk thinking up jokes for...well let's say a few dollars more.

Larry David

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Larry David
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 2
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Sheepshead Bay
Brooklyn
Lawrence Gene David
Lawrence Gene Larry David
the greatest man alive
Much
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Retards
Thinking
Sitting
Retard
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Twenty
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Jokes

More quotes by Larry David

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Zero, zero belief in myself. And it's changed somewhat, but there's still a lot of that in me.
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Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.
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Luck always plays a part for everyone, whether they want to admit it or not. I was very lucky, and I know it.
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I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.
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Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.
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Women love a self-confident bald man.
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Golf and dating don't mix.
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I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there.
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I need to be on drugs to connect with nature.
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The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it.
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I just feed off the energy of the audience.
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Hitler really ruined that mustache for everybody. It’s really an interesting mustache, but now, no one can wear it.
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I'd like to start a family, but you have to have a date first.
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Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.
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I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.
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I don't like talking to people I KNOW, but strangers, I have no problem with.
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Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.
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Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.
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The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial.
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I'm not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges.
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