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I'd much rather be on stage talking to a couple of retards for twenty bucks than sitting at my desk thinking up jokes for...well let's say a few dollars more.

Larry David

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Larry David
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 2
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Sheepshead Bay
Brooklyn
Lawrence Gene David
Lawrence Gene Larry David
the greatest man alive
Well
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Much
Dollars
Retards
Thinking
Sitting
Retard
Couple
Bucks
Stage
Desk
Talking
Desks
Rather
Twenty
Wells
Twenties

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In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year.
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Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.
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When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless.
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I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.
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I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.
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Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married!
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Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!
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I couldn't walk up to a woman at a bar and say hello.
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I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.
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Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.
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I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.
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Pretty good. Pretttttttty, pretttttttttty, pretttttty good.
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Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for.
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Luck always plays a part for everyone, whether they want to admit it or not. I was very lucky, and I know it.
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Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.
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Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.
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Do not degrade me in the military uniform I wear for it represents the love I have for my country, and the sacrifices myself and millions of other American soldiers make everyday to protect the freedom we enjoy by living in the United States of America.
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Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.
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Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens.
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There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable!
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