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I'd much rather be on stage talking to a couple of retards for twenty bucks than sitting at my desk thinking up jokes for...well let's say a few dollars more.

Larry David

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Larry David
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 2
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Sheepshead Bay
Brooklyn
Lawrence Gene David
Lawrence Gene Larry David
the greatest man alive
Thinking
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Retard
Couple
Bucks
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Well
Jokes
Much
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Retards

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I just feed off the energy of the audience.
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It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy.
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The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature.
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Did Bill Clinton actually think that he could get blow jobs from a Jewish woman and there would be no consequences?
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I have no sense of well-being. There's no chance the well will run dry.
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And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me.
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I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.
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Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it.
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Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens.
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I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter.
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I'm a jerk, that's who I am. I'm like everybody else.
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I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.
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Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for.
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All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.
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Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.
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Zero, zero belief in myself. And it's changed somewhat, but there's still a lot of that in me.
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Sometimes you have to rely on sex and bodily functions.
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The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.
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Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.
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