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I'm a jerk, that's who I am. I'm like everybody else.

Larry David

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Larry David
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 2
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Sheepshead Bay
Brooklyn
Lawrence Gene David
Lawrence Gene Larry David
the greatest man alive
Jerk
Everybody
Else
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More quotes by Larry David

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Zero, zero belief in myself. And it's changed somewhat, but there's still a lot of that in me.
Larry David
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Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.
Larry David
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I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them.
Larry David
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The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial.
Larry David
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Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.
Larry David
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I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.
Larry David
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Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.
Larry David
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Did Bill Clinton actually think that he could get blow jobs from a Jewish woman and there would be no consequences?
Larry David
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You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.
Larry David
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Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.
Larry David
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I'm Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties.
Larry David
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Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it.
Larry David
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My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver.
Larry David
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I'd like to start a family, but you have to have a date first.
Larry David
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Hitler really ruined that mustache for everybody. It’s really an interesting mustache, but now, no one can wear it.
Larry David
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I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there.
Larry David
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In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year.
Larry David
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The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.
Larry David
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The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature.
Larry David
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Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.
Larry David