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I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

Larry David

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Larry David
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 2
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Sheepshead Bay
Brooklyn
Lawrence Gene David
Lawrence Gene Larry David
the greatest man alive
First
Fish
Fishes
Learned
Night
Order
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Firsts

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There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable!
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Did Bill Clinton actually think that he could get blow jobs from a Jewish woman and there would be no consequences?
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Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.
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I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.
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Hitler really ruined that mustache for everybody. It’s really an interesting mustache, but now, no one can wear it.
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Making a woman laugh. What is that about? And the prettier the woman, the more satisfaction I get. It doesn't make any sense, but I'm being honest.
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My life has changed. I'm not walking around any more wishing I wasn't me, which was the case at one time.
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When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless.
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I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.
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Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.
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If I was going onstage, of course I would talk about it. How could I not?
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I'm a jerk, that's who I am. I'm like everybody else.
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Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.
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I once stopped to pick up a girl, and then there was this creepy-looking guy standing behind the bushes waiting to jump out and get in, too. So I just quickly drove away.
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I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.
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I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.
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I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.
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