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Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.

Larry David

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Larry David
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 2
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Sheepshead Bay
Brooklyn
Lawrence Gene David
Lawrence Gene Larry David
the greatest man alive
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Feels
Practicals
Practical
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If I was going onstage, of course I would talk about it. How could I not?
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Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.
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I'm a jerk, that's who I am. I'm like everybody else.
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There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable!
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I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.
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Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.
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Golf and dating don't mix.
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Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens.
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Women love a self-confident bald man.
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Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.
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My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver.
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Zero, zero belief in myself. And it's changed somewhat, but there's still a lot of that in me.
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Did Bill Clinton actually think that he could get blow jobs from a Jewish woman and there would be no consequences?
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Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.
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I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter.
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I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.
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And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me.
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