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If I was going onstage, of course I would talk about it. How could I not?

Larry David

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Larry David
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 2
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Sheepshead Bay
Brooklyn
Lawrence Gene David
Lawrence Gene Larry David
the greatest man alive
Courses
Course
Talk
Going
Would
Onstage

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Let's not forget, I got divorced.
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I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.
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I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter.
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I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.
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I couldn't walk up to a woman at a bar and say hello.
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My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver.
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I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.
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Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.
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My life has changed. I'm not walking around any more wishing I wasn't me, which was the case at one time.
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A place to go - that's what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you're worthless unless you have a place to go.
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Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.
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Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!
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Pretty good. Pretttttttty, pretttttttttty, pretttttty good.
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I once stopped to pick up a girl, and then there was this creepy-looking guy standing behind the bushes waiting to jump out and get in, too. So I just quickly drove away.
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The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature.
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When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless.
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Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.
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I'd like to start a family, but you have to have a date first.
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