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I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

Larry David

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Larry David
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 2
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Sheepshead Bay
Brooklyn
Lawrence Gene David
Lawrence Gene Larry David
the greatest man alive
Lactose
Tolerate
Like
People

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I'd much rather be on stage talking to a couple of retards for twenty bucks than sitting at my desk thinking up jokes for...well let's say a few dollars more.
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Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it.
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Do not degrade me in the military uniform I wear for it represents the love I have for my country, and the sacrifices myself and millions of other American soldiers make everyday to protect the freedom we enjoy by living in the United States of America.
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I'm not quite as anonymous as I was.
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I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.
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I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh.
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Luck always plays a part for everyone, whether they want to admit it or not. I was very lucky, and I know it.
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Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.
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Zero, zero belief in myself. And it's changed somewhat, but there's still a lot of that in me.
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I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous.
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Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.
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I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.
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I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them.
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Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.
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I don't like talking to people I KNOW, but strangers, I have no problem with.
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I'm Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties.
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Making a woman laugh. What is that about? And the prettier the woman, the more satisfaction I get. It doesn't make any sense, but I'm being honest.
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And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me.
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Pretty good. Pretttttttty, pretttttttttty, pretttttty good.
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The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.
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