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I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

Larry David

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Larry David
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 2
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Sheepshead Bay
Brooklyn
Lawrence Gene David
Lawrence Gene Larry David
the greatest man alive
Lactose
Tolerate
Like
People

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Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.
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All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.
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Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.
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Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for.
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A place to go - that's what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you're worthless unless you have a place to go.
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The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature.
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When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.
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Women love a self-confident bald man.
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I'd like to start a family, but you have to have a date first.
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I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.
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I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.
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When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless.
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I need to be on drugs to connect with nature.
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It's always good to take something that's happened in your life and make something of it comedically.
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I think Michael Moore is a hero. I love him.
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