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The umpire had comical news. The congregation had been theoretically spotted from the air by a theoretical enemy. They were all theoretically dead now. The theoretical corpses laughed and ate a hearty noontime meal.
Kurt Vonnegut
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Kurt Vonnegut
Age: 84 †
Born: 1922
Born: November 11
Died: 2007
Died: April 14
Author
Essayist
Journalist
Novelist
Peace Activist
Philosopher
Playwright
Science Fiction Writer
Screenwriter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
Kurt Vonnegut
Jr.
Enemy
Corpses
Theoretical
Umpire
Meal
Spotted
Meals
Theoretically
Laughed
Comical
Air
Hearty
News
Congregation
Dead
Umpires
More quotes by Kurt Vonnegut
The highest possible form of treason is to say that Americans aren’t loved wherever they go, whatever they do.
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I really wonder what gives us the right to wreck this poor planet of ours.
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That’s the secret of artistic unity. Anybody can achieve it, if he or she will make something with only one person in mind.
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In 1844, Karl Marx said, Religion is the opiate of the masses. He said this at a time when opium and opium derivatives were the only painkillers. And he said it helped a little. He might as well have said, Religion is the aspirin of the people.
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The dog, who had sounded so ferocious in the winter distances, was a female German Shepherd. She was shivering. Her tail was between her legs. She had been borrowed that morning from a farmer. She had never been to war before. She had no idea what game was being played. Her name was Princess.
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She upset Billy simply by being his mother. She made him feel embarrassed and ungrateful and weak because she had gone to so much trouble to give him life, and to keep that life going, and Billy didn't really like life at all.
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Shortridge High School was an elitist high school. In a way it was a scandal because you could go there no matter where you lived, if you could get there. It was for over-achievers. It was for people who were going to college. So we were very special and we were hated for being ritzy.
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The only proof he needed for the existance of God was music.
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People are lying all the time as to what a murderous nation we are. So let it be known. We're behaving abominably. It's like having a relative go absolutely nuts. Somebody has to say, I think Uncle Charlie's off his rocker. We are behaving in a bizarre manner.
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What war has always been is a puberty ceremony.
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One thing I hate about school committees today is that they cut arts programs out of the curriculum because they say the arts aren't a way to make a living.
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Our president is a Christian? So was Adolf Hitler. What can be said to our young people, now that psychopathic personalities, which is to say persons without consciences, without senses of pity or shame, have taken all the money in the treasuries of our government and corporations, and made it all their own?
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The function of the artist is to make people like life better than they have before.
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Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before, Bokonon tells us. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way.
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I learned how to make jokes because I wanted to give people as much fun as they did, and I guess I did, too.
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The Population Reference Bureau predicts that the world's total population will double to 7,000,000,000 before the year 2000. I suppose they will all want dignity, I said.
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All the great story lines are great practical jokes that people fall for over and over again.
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You realize, of course, that everything I say is horseshit.
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The youngest child in any family is always a jokemaker, because a joke is the only way he can enter into an adult conversation.
Kurt Vonnegut
