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I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.
Kinky Friedman
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Kinky Friedman
Age: 80
Born: 1944
Born: November 1
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Musician
Novelist
Politician
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
Songwriter
Writer
Chicago
Illinois
High
Scratch
Scratches
Ass
Needed
More quotes by Kinky Friedman
Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
Kinky Friedman
I'm well aware that the Nelson Mandelas and the Winston Churchills of the world happened by accident. They usually come out of nowhere.
Kinky Friedman
But the most dangerous thing in the world in the world is to run the risk of waking up one morning and realizing suddenly that all this time you've been living without really and truly living and by then it's too late. When you wake up to that kind of realization, it's too late for wishes and regrets. It's even too late to dream.
Kinky Friedman
You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.
Kinky Friedman
Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged WASPs have to dress up like a pimp.
Kinky Friedman
This is called spiritual lifting. It's not heavy lifting. The governor of Texas should not be confused with Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's a powerful position. The governor of Texas can't do any heavy lifting really. It's not that powerful a position.
Kinky Friedman
We're all worm bait waiting to happen. It's what you do while you wait that matters.
Kinky Friedman
Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but...
Kinky Friedman
When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.
Kinky Friedman
The system is not perfect. Until it's perfect, let's do away with the death penalty.
Kinky Friedman
If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.
Kinky Friedman
We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.
Kinky Friedman
I don't think I have even achieved fame. Of course, Hemingway says that fame is death's little sister.
Kinky Friedman
You never marry the person you first see 'Casablanca' with.
Kinky Friedman
I rarely meddled in the cat's personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine. Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets.
Kinky Friedman
The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.
Kinky Friedman
No matter where you go, you always see yourself in the rearview mirror.
Kinky Friedman
I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.
Kinky Friedman
Happiness is a moving target.
Kinky Friedman
I don't think where people come from is that important. It doesn't matter if you come from reality TV. The question is whether you can inspire people.
Kinky Friedman
