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I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.

Kinky Friedman

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Kinky Friedman
Age: 80
Born: 1944
Born: November 1
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Musician
Novelist
Politician
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
Songwriter
Writer
Chicago
Illinois
Scratches
Ass
Needed
High
Scratch

More quotes by Kinky Friedman

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Jerry Jones and Chris Christie are probably the most important latent homosexual relationship since Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.
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You've got to find what you love and let it kill you. I don't think any of us should ever forget that.
Kinky Friedman
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If you're paranoid long enough, sooner or later you're gonna be right.
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If Jesus Christ had run as an independent, Rick Perry would have beat him.
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Finding a cat--or having a cat find you--can change your world as much as marriage, divorce, love, death, or even winning the lottery can, and sometimes more.
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They probably would've taken Jesus if he hadn't been nailed down.
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I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.
Kinky Friedman
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The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.
Kinky Friedman
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I came from an upper-middle class home, which is always a hard cross for a country singer to bear.
Kinky Friedman
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I don't believe in carrying a weapon. If somebody wants to shoot me, he'll have to bring his own gun.
Kinky Friedman
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We're going to make that Lone Star shine again.
Kinky Friedman
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This system is really broken. No Child Left Behind has really failed and the only way to solve education is to leave one governor behind.
Kinky Friedman
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When you record something, you never know who's going to hear it.
Kinky Friedman
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We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.
Kinky Friedman
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We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.
Kinky Friedman
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An editor's job is to take something great and make it good.
Kinky Friedman
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I'll sign anything except bad legislation.
Kinky Friedman
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The reason educational spending in Texas is so low is because you don't have a state tax there, and that's why Texas is big growth because you don't tax people to death.
Kinky Friedman
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May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.
Kinky Friedman
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I've been in true love many times. I just try to avoid it as much as possible. For if there's one thing I know about true love, it is that sooner or later, it results in a hostage situation.
Kinky Friedman