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I'm sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory. Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

Kin Hubbard

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Kin Hubbard
Age: 62 †
Born: 1868
Born: September 1
Died: 1930
Died: December 26
Cartoonist
Humorist
Journalist
Bellefontaine
Ohio
Frank McKinney Hubbard
Still
Effects
Void
Back
Becomes
Birthday
Heart
Memories
Knees
Years
Courses
Aging
Expires
Course
Effect
Warranty
Year
Memory
Expired
Age
Lifetime
Luckily
Stills
Sorry
Inform

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Executive: a man who makes quick decisions and is sometimes right.
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Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble.
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Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper.
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Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
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One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.
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It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about.
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A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
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Gittin' talked about is one o' th' penalties for bein' purty, while bein' above suspicion is about th' only compensation fer bein' homely.
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Bees are not as busy as we think they are. They just can't buzz any slower.
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It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game.
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Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.
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About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor of the plain people is the stork.
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Never tell the box-office man that you can't hear well or he will sell you a seat where you can't see either.
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There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.
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University: ... a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business.
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All I kin git out o' the Wickersham position on prohibition is that the distinguished jurist seems to feel that if we'd let 'em have it the problem o' keepin' 'em from gitten' it would be greatly simplified
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A loafer always has the correct time.
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In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.
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There's another advantage to being poor - a doctor will cure you faster.
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Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
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