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Whoa. He had ghouls on speed dial. My lawyer kicks so much ass.

Kevin Hearne

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Kevin Hearne
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: December 9
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
AZ
Ghouls
Kicks
Ass
Lawyer
Speed
Much
Dial
Whoa

More quotes by Kevin Hearne

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If I waved that in front of a museum curator, he'd promptly lose control of his salivary glands.
Kevin Hearne
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But now that she was my apprentice, every such thought caused a guilty twitch in my neck, as if someone had dropped a sleek, stinky ferret there. Guilt ferrets are bastards.
Kevin Hearne
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As any war veteran will tell you, there is a vast difference between preparing for battle and actually facing battle for the first time.
Kevin Hearne
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Yer a good lad, Atticus, mowin’ me lawn and killin’ what Brits come around.
Kevin Hearne
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On a Creep Scale from Hello Kitty to Cthulhu, I award it a Freddy Krueger. Granuaile MacTiernan
Kevin Hearne
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Wisdom eludes me yet, but foolishness I captured long ago and to this day it is my constant companion, though many people consider me wise.
Kevin Hearne
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He was a god of rock. He nearly solved all the world's problems with nothing but power chords and anguished cries into a microphone.
Kevin Hearne
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Oh, I know. They’re dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they’re not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they’re “little people,” I’m sorry! Can’t believe I have to be politically correct when you’re the only one who can hear me.
Kevin Hearne
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Granuaile:So why don't cult leaders achieve godhood? Atticus: Because they're megalomaniacs drenched in douche juice.
Kevin Hearne
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Brighid’s eyes flashed with a blue flame, and I wondered if she had learned to do that just so she could compete with the Morrigan’s red flashes. Maybe I should try to figure out how to make my eyes flash green so I could freak out the baristas at Starbucks. “No, you foolish mortal,” I’d say as my eyes glowed, “I ordered a nonfat latte.
Kevin Hearne
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Turns out that once you kill a god, people want to talk to you. Paranormal insurance salesmen with special godslayer term life policies. Charlatan's with godproof armor and extraplanar safe houses for rent. But most notably, other gods.
Kevin Hearne
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What do you know? She liked to be told she was scary. Kinky.
Kevin Hearne
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Yes and I appreciate it. But this is going to be difficult enough without running my words through a filter of illiteracy.
Kevin Hearne
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I would never behave with so little dignity. Nor would I wish to be confronted in such a manner by anyone else. Vampires inspire screams, not squees. Involuntary urination is common, I grant, but it properly flows from a sense of terror, not an ecstatic sense of hero worship.
Kevin Hearne
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The point is, Mrs. MacDonagh, that the universe is exactly the size that your soul can encompass. Some people live in extremely small worlds, and some live in a world of infinite possibility.
Kevin Hearne
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Peace be with you, I said, and as I turned to resume my journey with Coyote, I added under my breath, and asskicking be with me.
Kevin Hearne
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I didn't respond, because naked people never win arguments.
Kevin Hearne
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She thinks petting me is an honor. This is an unexpected position to take for a goddess of slaughter, but I applaud her defiance of convention.
Kevin Hearne
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That’s what a skinwalker is: a mean asshole with a meaner spirit squatting inside.” I’ve run into some of those at the dog park, Oberon said. They’re usually attached to Chihuahuas.
Kevin Hearne
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Anyone who's ever tried to tangle with a teddy bear cholla knows there's a whole lot more bear than teddy to it.
Kevin Hearne