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But now that she was my apprentice, every such thought caused a guilty twitch in my neck, as if someone had dropped a sleek, stinky ferret there. Guilt ferrets are bastards.

Kevin Hearne

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Kevin Hearne
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: December 9
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
AZ
Neck
Ferret
Necks
Twitch
Caused
Sleek
Guilty
Ferrets
Guilt
Stinky
Someone
Bastards
Thought
Apprentice
Every
Dropped

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You will respect my authori-tah!' Oberon said, in a passable imitation of Eric Cartman. I reminded him that I needed to concentrate. Sometimes dogs forget they just get too excited.
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I hoped you would consider it seriously instead of laughing at it.' 'Mr. Chamkanni said much the same thing in bed the first night home from the hospital
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He will spit you and roast you with rosemary, and we will all sample your flesh tonight. Tomorrow you will be shat out into the snow. Your diplomacy is bold and edgy, sir.
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When he said to give him the sword, I don’t think he meant for you to stick it in his guts.
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People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to say it with a sense of discovery, and it worries me.
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Oh, I know. They’re dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they’re not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they’re “little people,” I’m sorry! Can’t believe I have to be politically correct when you’re the only one who can hear me.
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I would never behave with so little dignity. Nor would I wish to be confronted in such a manner by anyone else. Vampires inspire screams, not squees. Involuntary urination is common, I grant, but it properly flows from a sense of terror, not an ecstatic sense of hero worship.
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What do you know? She liked to be told she was scary. Kinky.
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Anyone who's ever tried to tangle with a teddy bear cholla knows there's a whole lot more bear than teddy to it.
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Peace be with you, I said, and as I turned to resume my journey with Coyote, I added under my breath, and asskicking be with me.
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Gods can screw anything and anybody. For reference, see history. Atticus O'Sullivan
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Let me tell you, people go on and on about what a great idea electricity was, but I'm going to put toilet paper right next to the wheel and say those are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Scoff at it if you will, but try living for two millennia without it and then we'll talk.
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There is always a price to pay for badassery. Neo was a badass in the Matrix and the Matrix Reloaded, but the price he had to pay was The Matrix Revolutions.
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Wooo!’ he said, slamming his shot glass down and coughing a bit. ‘That’s good stuff.’ I agreed heartily. ‘Shall we do another one?’ I asked. ‘Oh no,’ Jesus said quietly, his eyes growing round. ‘This is one of those situations where I have to stop and ask myself, what would I do?
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She switched from ecstasy to embarrassment at about Mach five.
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Flidais clapped her hands in delight. Oh, I bet he nearly shat kine! That made me laugh - I hadn't heard that expression in a long, long time. I refrained from telling her that the modern expression would be he had a cow, because I liked the original better. Yes, the kine he nearly shat would have fed several clans.
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...Having no recourse, I feel back on Shakespeare. Leif would recognize it and understand the context properly. With my remaining few seconds of consciousness, I quoted Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing, who spoke these words to his former friend: you are a Villain: I jest not. and then I collapsed into a pool of my own blood.
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She's kind of like a Mary Poppins just before she turns to the dark side of the Force, Oberon said. He was still behind the counter, but he had a good lok at her as she exited. Let go of your anger, Malina! There's still good in you! The Emperor hasn't driven it from you fully!
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Yes and I appreciate it. But this is going to be difficult enough without running my words through a filter of illiteracy.
Kevin Hearne
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The royal hound's belly demands rubbing. Step lively, humans, neglect me not. ~Oberon
Kevin Hearne