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Oh, I know. They’re dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they’re not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they’re “little people,” I’m sorry! Can’t believe I have to be politically correct when you’re the only one who can hear me.

Kevin Hearne

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Kevin Hearne
Age: 53
Born: 1970
Born: December 9
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
AZ
Believe
Pretending
People
Correct
Sorry
Okay
Hear
Either
Elves
Littles
Dwarfs
Little
Politically

More quotes by Kevin Hearne

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Turns out that once you kill a god, people want to talk to you. Paranormal insurance salesmen with special godslayer term life policies. Charlatan's with godproof armor and extraplanar safe houses for rent. But most notably, other gods.
Kevin Hearne
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Yer a good lad, Atticus, mowin’ me lawn and killin’ what Brits come around.
Kevin Hearne
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Peace be with you, I said, and as I turned to resume my journey with Coyote, I added under my breath, and asskicking be with me.
Kevin Hearne
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The point is, Mrs. MacDonagh, that the universe is exactly the size that your soul can encompass. Some people live in extremely small worlds, and some live in a world of infinite possibility.
Kevin Hearne
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...Having no recourse, I feel back on Shakespeare. Leif would recognize it and understand the context properly. With my remaining few seconds of consciousness, I quoted Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing, who spoke these words to his former friend: you are a Villain: I jest not. and then I collapsed into a pool of my own blood.
Kevin Hearne
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There is always a price to pay for badassery. Neo was a badass in the Matrix and the Matrix Reloaded, but the price he had to pay was The Matrix Revolutions.
Kevin Hearne
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I had privately changed 'This, too, shall pass' into 'You, too, shall die'.
Kevin Hearne
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Wisdom eludes me yet, but foolishness I captured long ago and to this day it is my constant companion, though many people consider me wise.
Kevin Hearne
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She switched from ecstasy to embarrassment at about Mach five.
Kevin Hearne
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But now that she was my apprentice, every such thought caused a guilty twitch in my neck, as if someone had dropped a sleek, stinky ferret there. Guilt ferrets are bastards.
Kevin Hearne
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Let me tell you, people go on and on about what a great idea electricity was, but I'm going to put toilet paper right next to the wheel and say those are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Scoff at it if you will, but try living for two millennia without it and then we'll talk.
Kevin Hearne
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Do Angels have assholes? Atticus O'Sullivan - Hexed
Kevin Hearne
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Granuaile:So why don't cult leaders achieve godhood? Atticus: Because they're megalomaniacs drenched in douche juice.
Kevin Hearne
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I would never behave with so little dignity. Nor would I wish to be confronted in such a manner by anyone else. Vampires inspire screams, not squees. Involuntary urination is common, I grant, but it properly flows from a sense of terror, not an ecstatic sense of hero worship.
Kevin Hearne
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When he said to give him the sword, I don’t think he meant for you to stick it in his guts.
Kevin Hearne
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What do you know? She liked to be told she was scary. Kinky.
Kevin Hearne
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Before he (Francis Bacon) came along, people conducted all their arguments through a series of logical fallacies or simply shouting louder than the other guy, or, if they did use facts, they only selected ones that reinforced their prejudices and advanced their ideas.” Oberon replies “don’t they still do that?
Kevin Hearne
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They'll have to bring in Mulder an' Scully, because there ain't no CSI on the planet that'll ever be able to explain this.
Kevin Hearne
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People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to say it with a sense of discovery, and it worries me.
Kevin Hearne
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She thinks petting me is an honor. This is an unexpected position to take for a goddess of slaughter, but I applaud her defiance of convention.
Kevin Hearne