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You will respect my authori-tah!' Oberon said, in a passable imitation of Eric Cartman. I reminded him that I needed to concentrate. Sometimes dogs forget they just get too excited.

Kevin Hearne

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Kevin Hearne
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: December 9
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
AZ
Needed
Passable
Respect
Eric
Forget
Reminded
Sometimes
Concentrate
Imitation
Dogs
Excited
Dog

More quotes by Kevin Hearne

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... we banked around until we found a rainbow in the dark. It was on this occasion that I discovered that Granuaile had never heard of Ronnie James Dio. My shock at this news was such that I almost completely missed the fact that we were traveling on Bifrost, the rainbow bridge to Asgard.
Kevin Hearne
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She thinks petting me is an honor. This is an unexpected position to take for a goddess of slaughter, but I applaud her defiance of convention.
Kevin Hearne
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Oh. Oberon looked at me. I know that has to make you sad. But call to me instead, Atticus. I'll always answer. Your fly has been open all this time, by the way, and Granuaile hasn't said a thing. Thanks, buddy, I said silently as I tried to surreptitiously zip up my jeans. See? I got your back AND your front. I deserve a treat.
Kevin Hearne
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Granuaile:So why don't cult leaders achieve godhood? Atticus: Because they're megalomaniacs drenched in douche juice.
Kevin Hearne
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When in doubt, blame the dark elves.
Kevin Hearne
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Brighid’s eyes flashed with a blue flame, and I wondered if she had learned to do that just so she could compete with the Morrigan’s red flashes. Maybe I should try to figure out how to make my eyes flash green so I could freak out the baristas at Starbucks. “No, you foolish mortal,” I’d say as my eyes glowed, “I ordered a nonfat latte.
Kevin Hearne
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The point is, Mrs. MacDonagh, that the universe is exactly the size that your soul can encompass. Some people live in extremely small worlds, and some live in a world of infinite possibility.
Kevin Hearne
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Let me tell you, people go on and on about what a great idea electricity was, but I'm going to put toilet paper right next to the wheel and say those are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Scoff at it if you will, but try living for two millennia without it and then we'll talk.
Kevin Hearne
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I had privately changed 'This, too, shall pass' into 'You, too, shall die'.
Kevin Hearne
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There is always a price to pay for badassery. Neo was a badass in the Matrix and the Matrix Reloaded, but the price he had to pay was The Matrix Revolutions.
Kevin Hearne
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She's kind of like a Mary Poppins just before she turns to the dark side of the Force, Oberon said. He was still behind the counter, but he had a good lok at her as she exited. Let go of your anger, Malina! There's still good in you! The Emperor hasn't driven it from you fully!
Kevin Hearne
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The royal hound's belly demands rubbing. Step lively, humans, neglect me not. ~Oberon
Kevin Hearne
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Anyone who's ever tried to tangle with a teddy bear cholla knows there's a whole lot more bear than teddy to it.
Kevin Hearne
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Flidais clapped her hands in delight. Oh, I bet he nearly shat kine! That made me laugh - I hadn't heard that expression in a long, long time. I refrained from telling her that the modern expression would be he had a cow, because I liked the original better. Yes, the kine he nearly shat would have fed several clans.
Kevin Hearne
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Do Angels have assholes? Atticus O'Sullivan - Hexed
Kevin Hearne
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I didn't respond, because naked people never win arguments.
Kevin Hearne
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Oh, I know. They’re dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they’re not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they’re “little people,” I’m sorry! Can’t believe I have to be politically correct when you’re the only one who can hear me.
Kevin Hearne
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Am I not a fearsome enemy? You frighten me primally.
Kevin Hearne
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People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to say it with a sense of discovery, and it worries me.
Kevin Hearne
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When he said to give him the sword, I don’t think he meant for you to stick it in his guts.
Kevin Hearne