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If I waved that in front of a museum curator, he'd promptly lose control of his salivary glands.

Kevin Hearne

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Kevin Hearne
Age: 53
Born: 1970
Born: December 9
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
AZ
Museum
Museums
Fronts
Front
Lose
Curator
Loses
Waved
Control
Promptly
Glands

More quotes by Kevin Hearne

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Before he (Francis Bacon) came along, people conducted all their arguments through a series of logical fallacies or simply shouting louder than the other guy, or, if they did use facts, they only selected ones that reinforced their prejudices and advanced their ideas.” Oberon replies “don’t they still do that?
Kevin Hearne
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Let me tell you, people go on and on about what a great idea electricity was, but I'm going to put toilet paper right next to the wheel and say those are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Scoff at it if you will, but try living for two millennia without it and then we'll talk.
Kevin Hearne
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Atticus What's this religion going to be called? Oberon Poochism A:and the name of this holy writ I will be typing for you? O:The dead flea scrolls: A Sirius Prophecy.
Kevin Hearne
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The royal hound's belly demands rubbing. Step lively, humans, neglect me not. ~Oberon
Kevin Hearne
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Wooo!’ he said, slamming his shot glass down and coughing a bit. ‘That’s good stuff.’ I agreed heartily. ‘Shall we do another one?’ I asked. ‘Oh no,’ Jesus said quietly, his eyes growing round. ‘This is one of those situations where I have to stop and ask myself, what would I do?
Kevin Hearne
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They'll have to bring in Mulder an' Scully, because there ain't no CSI on the planet that'll ever be able to explain this.
Kevin Hearne
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Icy glares from vampires are far icier than icy glares from people and when the vampire giving you an icy glare is originally from Iceland, you're confronted with the archetypal origin of the term, and you shouldn't be surprised if your core body temperature drops a few degrees.
Kevin Hearne
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Oh, I know. They’re dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they’re not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they’re “little people,” I’m sorry! Can’t believe I have to be politically correct when you’re the only one who can hear me.
Kevin Hearne
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What do you know? She liked to be told she was scary. Kinky.
Kevin Hearne
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I would never behave with so little dignity. Nor would I wish to be confronted in such a manner by anyone else. Vampires inspire screams, not squees. Involuntary urination is common, I grant, but it properly flows from a sense of terror, not an ecstatic sense of hero worship.
Kevin Hearne
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People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to say it with a sense of discovery, and it worries me.
Kevin Hearne
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Winning ugly is still winning.
Kevin Hearne
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I yawned and stretched luxuriously in the morning. I make noises when I stretch because it feels ten times better than stretching silently.
Kevin Hearne
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Peace be with you, I said, and as I turned to resume my journey with Coyote, I added under my breath, and asskicking be with me.
Kevin Hearne
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Do Angels have assholes? Atticus O'Sullivan - Hexed
Kevin Hearne
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As any war veteran will tell you, there is a vast difference between preparing for battle and actually facing battle for the first time.
Kevin Hearne
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Am I not a fearsome enemy? You frighten me primally.
Kevin Hearne
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When he said to give him the sword, I don’t think he meant for you to stick it in his guts.
Kevin Hearne
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You don't need to say any special incantation or sacrifice a stray cat or something first?
Kevin Hearne
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Flidais clapped her hands in delight. Oh, I bet he nearly shat kine! That made me laugh - I hadn't heard that expression in a long, long time. I refrained from telling her that the modern expression would be he had a cow, because I liked the original better. Yes, the kine he nearly shat would have fed several clans.
Kevin Hearne