It's said the FA chairman (Keith Wiseman) would travel 200 miles to open a biscuit tin. Why?

We had probably our best ever Player of the Year Dance last week. You elected Dennis Wise as Player of the Year. Dennis accepted his award mimicking Vialli, whereupon Zola shouted 'Speak English', Dennis switched to his normal Cockney voice only for Zola to shout 'You're still not speaking English'.

There's none as deaf as those who won't listen. I get letters. If they are moronic, they go in the wastepaper basket, but if they are reasonable points, I try to explain. I am planning for the long-term future. I am planning for the long-term future. People say build a team not a hotel, but that argument is irrelevant. It's like fish or meat

Experience shows that after a disaster it is particularly difficult with the Americans, who appear to be quite cowardly despite their Rambo films.

What a few fans are trying to do is cause trouble.

Let us leave the EEC, abolish human rights laws, take TV sets, pool tables and phones out of prisons, bring back corporal and capital punishment, slash benefits and put single mothers into hostels instead of giving them council flats. Finally, if we chucked out all the illegal immigrants and asylum seekers there would be enough jobs for everyone.

I get to my feet when Chelsea fans sing 'Stand up if you hate Man U'. But though I hate them, I have to admire them too.