Quote

I had a terrible temper, after all, and though it rarely erupted, when it did it frightened me and anyone near its epicenter. It was the only crack, but a disturbing one, in the otherwise vacuum-sealed casing of my behavior.

Kay Redfield Jamison

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Kay Redfield Jamison
Age: 78
Born: 1946
Born: June 22
Essayist
Psychologist
Though
Temper
Epicenter
Frightened
Erupted
Rarely
Sealed
Near
Vacuums
Otherwise
Vacuum
Behavior
Crack
Terrible
Disturbing
Anyone
Cracks
Casing

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I look back over my shoulder and feel the presence of an intense young girl and then a volatile and disturbed young woman, both with high dreams and restless, romantic aspirations
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Once a restless or frayed mood has turned to anger, or violence, or psychosis, Richard, like most, finds it very difficult to see it as illness, rather than being willful, angry, irrational or simply tiresome.
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Mother, who has an absolute belief that it is not the cards that one is dealt in life, it is how one plays them, is, by far, the highest card I was dealt.
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Which of my feelings are real? Which of the me's is me? The wild, impulsive, chaotic, energetic, and crazy one? Or the shy, withdrawn, desperate, suicidal, doomed, and tired one? Probably a bit of both, hopefully much that is neither.
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People talk about grief as if it's kind of an unremittingly awful thing, and it is. It is painful, but it's a very, very interesting sort of thing to go through and it really helps you out.
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Suicide Note: The calm, Cool face of the river Asked me for a kiss. -Langston Hughes
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I am reminded of the importance of small kindnesses.
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Anyone who suggests that coming back from suicidal despair is a straightforward journey has never taken it.
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I think people don't understand how intimately tied suicide is to mental illness, particularly to depressive illness and bipolar illness.
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I think you have waves of awareness and one of the things that I found with grief was actually - I was well prepared for it by the cyclicality of my manic depressive illness because I was used to things coming and going and so forth.
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We all build internal sea walls to keep at bay the sadnesses of life and the often overwhelming forces within our minds. In whatever way we do this--through love, work, family, faith, friends, denial, alcohol, drugs, or medication, we build these walls, stone by stone, over a lifetime.
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From a public health point of view, still the overwhelming problem is that people are not treated enough for depression depression remains under treated.
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An ardent temperament makes one very vulnerable to dreamkillers.
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Mood disorders are terribly painful illnesses, and they are isolating illnesses. And they make people feel terrible about themselves when, in fact, they can be treated.
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Somehow, like so many people who get depressed, we felt our depressions were more complicated and existentially based than they actually were.
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The assumption that rigidly rejecting words and phrases that have existed for centuries will have much impact on public attitudes is rather dubious.
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I have had manic-depressive illness, also known as bipolar disorder, since I was 18 years old. It is an illness that ensures that those who have it will experience a frightening, chaotic and emotional ride. It is not a gentle or easy disease.
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But, with time, one has encountered many of the monsters, and one is increasingly less terrified of those still to be met.
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Never once, during any of my bouts of depression, had I been inclined or able to pick up a telephone and ask a friend for help. It wasn't in me.
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I think wanting to write is a fundamental sign of disease and discomfort. I don't think people who are comfortable want to write.
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