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I don't want to go about offending people, that's not my plan.

Karl Pilkington

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Karl Pilkington
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Television Personality
Television Presenter
Writer
Sale
Cheshire
Plan
Plans
People
Offending

More quotes by Karl Pilkington

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The only reason you don't go on holiday, is 'cause you have to spend money.
Karl Pilkington
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They do it in Thai restaurants in London. You ask for a drink, and it comes in a glass with loads of seaweed and pebbles in it like a scene from Finding Nemo.
Karl Pilkington
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I'm just sayin', I don't like fun.
Karl Pilkington
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There is no need for ants to have the ability to fly
Karl Pilkington
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It is hard eating a little kangaroo knob.
Karl Pilkington
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[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful.
Karl Pilkington
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By 78 you've done everything you're going to do. If you haven't bungee-jumped by the time you're 78 you're not going to do it.
Karl Pilkington
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From someone whose dad buys him a spade for Christmas, I thought you'd be grateful!
Karl Pilkington
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I've heard that fact, that is you eat more than six bananas it will kill you. I saw a bowl with seven bananas in it and I thought, that's dangerous.
Karl Pilkington
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I've been on the planet for 40 years now, and I'm still none the wiser as to what it's all about really. I've never worried about life's big questions. People at my age sit about pondering, 'Why are we here?' The only time I ever asked myself that is when Suzanne booked us a surprise holiday to Lanzarote.
Karl Pilkington
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I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.
Karl Pilkington
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We came from the sea originally, now we're going back in it. Don't go in it, unless you're in a boat.
Karl Pilkington
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We're gonna get weaker. That's already happened. They used to say, you know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Now they're saying eat five fruits. That's evidence. You can't argue with that.
Karl Pilkington
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I say have the night and give people the awards, but why do people want to watch people win awards? What are they getting out of it? I don't quite get it. Because they have awards all the time there's awards for butchers, the best meat served, but they don't televise it. I don't know why they do it for films or TV programs.
Karl Pilkington
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The reason there are so many gyms in London is because the amount of gay people who are here now.
Karl Pilkington
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Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that.
Karl Pilkington
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She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?
Karl Pilkington
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I came up with a good idea... see-through skin.
Karl Pilkington
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If you live in a glass house, don't be chucking stuff about.
Karl Pilkington
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I am pessimistic, I think that's the best way to be, because if you're always expecting the best - the best doesn't always happen. Nine times out of 10 it doesn't. I'm surprised when things go smoothly. I don't know what's wrong with being pessimistic - unless you are such a pessimist that you don't do anything.
Karl Pilkington