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She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?
Karl Pilkington
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Karl Pilkington
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 23
Actor
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More quotes by Karl Pilkington
[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful.
Karl Pilkington
The only reason you don't go on holiday, is 'cause you have to spend money.
Karl Pilkington
The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.’
Karl Pilkington
I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester.
Karl Pilkington
There was always something. It's like with this one, there's always something that's mad that I look back on it and go, that's pretty amazing to say that I've done that or been there.
Karl Pilkington
The reason I did the book about holidays is that you're a different person on holiday. You're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you've never met and for 10 days you're someone else. You're out of your comfortable zone.
Karl Pilkington
Every problem solved is a problem made.
Karl Pilkington
We came from the sea originally, now we're going back in it. Don't go in it, unless you're in a boat.
Karl Pilkington
I don’t understand why people take pictures of mimes. Everyone looks like a mime in a picture.
Karl Pilkington
You never get an angry man suddenly breaking into a whistle.
Karl Pilkington
You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that.
Karl Pilkington
Now sometimes I don't know if I feel well. Because I've been in my body for years.
Karl Pilkington
I've been on the planet for 40 years now, and I'm still none the wiser as to what it's all about really. I've never worried about life's big questions. People at my age sit about pondering, 'Why are we here?' The only time I ever asked myself that is when Suzanne booked us a surprise holiday to Lanzarote.
Karl Pilkington
Me in a one-man tent crouching over carrier bag. It's not just the lowest point of the trip. It's the lowest point ever. In 38 years.
Karl Pilkington
I'm just sayin', I don't like fun.
Karl Pilkington
If you live in a glass house, don't be chucking stuff about.
Karl Pilkington
Well...like, when you're born, you're a little baby, you're wrinkly and stuff, when you get older you sort of morph into a baby again.
Karl Pilkington
What I mean is, I don't know what I mean.
Karl Pilkington
It's like the panda, they say that's dying out. But what do they do? When you see them they're just sitting in the jungle eating.
Karl Pilkington
I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about.
Karl Pilkington
