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Los Angeles is like San Diego's older, uglier sister that has herpes.

Justin Halpern

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Justin Halpern
Age: 44
Born: 1980
Born: September 3
Author
Blogger
Screenwriter
Writer
San Diego
California
Uglier
Herpes
Diego
Angeles
Sister
Older
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More quotes by Justin Halpern

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You say you’re sick, huh? Well, it looks like you’ve come down with a case of bullshit.
Justin Halpern
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You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.
Justin Halpern
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I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.
Justin Halpern
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Sometimes its nice when people you love need you.
Justin Halpern
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Before I proposed to my now-wife, I was understandably nervous. My father suggested that I take stock of all of my experiences and relationships with women, from my earliest memories to present day, and see if I had learned anything that might inform my decision.
Justin Halpern
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I almost feel like I'm unoffendable now. I can roll with whatever.
Justin Halpern
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[The] majority of the girls working there had major emotional problems. And not cries-too-much emotional problems more like stabs-her-boyfriend-with-a-steak-knife-then-falls-into-a-corner-and-starts-whispering-to-herself emotional problems.
Justin Halpern
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There is no definitive guidebook on how to pick the right partner, and even if there were, I'm way too dumb to write it.
Justin Halpern
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The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.
Justin Halpern
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Writing a book is incredibly pleasurable, but very solitary. You have total control, but sometimes that can drive you insane.
Justin Halpern
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On Furnishing One's Home - Pick your furniture like you pick a wife it should make you feel comfortable and look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past it they want to steal it.
Justin Halpern
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Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.
Justin Halpern
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You go ahead. I'd rather not be shot out of a tube into a pool filled with a bunch of nine-year-olds' urine.
Justin Halpern
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If it's not bourbon or sweatpants, it's going in the garbage.... No, don't get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.
Justin Halpern
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People are always trying to tell you how they feel. Some of them say it outright, and some of them, they tell you with their actions. And you have to listen. I don't know what will happen with your lady friend. I think she's a nice person, and I hope you get what you want. But do me a favor: Listen, and don't ignore what you hear.
Justin Halpern
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I was an angst-y journal writing kid.
Justin Halpern
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The Internet has really democratized ideas. There are no real gatekeepers any more, because if you have a great idea, and you put it online, people will find it and it will get in front of who it needs to get in front of.
Justin Halpern
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What Im trying to say is that what makes you up, its always been around, and it always will be around. So really the only thing you should worry about is the part you're at right now. Where you got a body and a head and all that bullshit. Just worry about living, dying is the easy part.
Justin Halpern
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Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom.
Justin Halpern
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I just wanted to compile these stories about growing up with my father and I wanted people to be able to enjoy them individually, but also the entire book as a whole.
Justin Halpern