Quote

You go ahead. I'd rather not be shot out of a tube into a pool filled with a bunch of nine-year-olds' urine.

Justin Halpern

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Justin Halpern
Age: 44
Born: 1980
Born: September 3
Author
Blogger
Screenwriter
Writer
San Diego
California
Filled
Olds
Year
Tubes
Rather
Pool
Years
Shot
Ahead
Bunch
Nine
Urine
Shots
Tube

More quotes by Justin Halpern

Image
I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.
Justin Halpern
Image
You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.
Justin Halpern
Image
I just wanted to compile these stories about growing up with my father and I wanted people to be able to enjoy them individually, but also the entire book as a whole.
Justin Halpern
Image
I almost feel like I'm unoffendable now. I can roll with whatever.
Justin Halpern
Image
Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.
Justin Halpern
Image
You say you’re sick, huh? Well, it looks like you’ve come down with a case of bullshit.
Justin Halpern
Image
Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom.
Justin Halpern
Image
There is no definitive guidebook on how to pick the right partner, and even if there were, I'm way too dumb to write it.
Justin Halpern
Image
The Internet has really democratized ideas. There are no real gatekeepers any more, because if you have a great idea, and you put it online, people will find it and it will get in front of who it needs to get in front of.
Justin Halpern
Image
On Furnishing One's Home - Pick your furniture like you pick a wife it should make you feel comfortable and look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past it they want to steal it.
Justin Halpern
Image
I was an angst-y journal writing kid.
Justin Halpern
Image
The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.
Justin Halpern
Image
What Im trying to say is that what makes you up, its always been around, and it always will be around. So really the only thing you should worry about is the part you're at right now. Where you got a body and a head and all that bullshit. Just worry about living, dying is the easy part.
Justin Halpern
Image
Los Angeles is like San Diego's older, uglier sister that has herpes.
Justin Halpern
Image
No, you can't go getting mad at people because they're shitty. Life will get mad at them, don't worry.
Justin Halpern
Image
Writing a book is incredibly pleasurable, but very solitary. You have total control, but sometimes that can drive you insane.
Justin Halpern
Image
If it's not bourbon or sweatpants, it's going in the garbage.... No, don't get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.
Justin Halpern
Image
Before I proposed to my now-wife, I was understandably nervous. My father suggested that I take stock of all of my experiences and relationships with women, from my earliest memories to present day, and see if I had learned anything that might inform my decision.
Justin Halpern
Image
Sometimes its nice when people you love need you.
Justin Halpern
Image
[The] majority of the girls working there had major emotional problems. And not cries-too-much emotional problems more like stabs-her-boyfriend-with-a-steak-knife-then-falls-into-a-corner-and-starts-whispering-to-herself emotional problems.
Justin Halpern