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Sex, on the whole, was meant to be short, nasty and brutish. If what you want is cuddling, you should buy a puppy.

Julie Burchill

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Julie Burchill
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: July 3
Journalist
Novelist
Writer
Frenchay
Gloucestershire
Short
Whole
Brutish
Cuddling
Puppy
Nasty
Meant
Sex

More quotes by Julie Burchill

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What I find most upsetting about this new all-consuming beauty culture is that the obsession with good looks, and how you can supposedly attain them, is almost entirely female-driven.
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The pictures from the first professional photo session that the young David Beckham submitted himself to are extraordinary. He has a barely suppressed smile, as though he and the cameraman are complicit in the understanding that this is not yet David Beckham we see and that there is an element of deceit in selling the photographs as such
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Covering up, so far as I can see, is often the accompaniment to far more truly shameful behaviour than stripping off.
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It seems that one moment I was this little kid only caring about animals and flowers and stuff, and then the next minute I was this raging stew of hormones. I don't know if you've ever been a raging stew of anything, but I wouldn't particularly recommend it.
Julie Burchill
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Prostitution is the supreme triumph of capitalism. When the sex war is won prostitutes should be shot as collaborators for their terrible betrayal of all women, for the moral tarring and feathering they give indigenous women who have had the bad luck to live in what they make their humping ground.
Julie Burchill
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Nicole Kidman in particular seems to bring out the butt-kisser in the sassiest of hackettes, as they ceaselessly strive to portray her as some sort of cross between Mother Teresa and Marilyn Monroe.
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And call me a pig, but isn't it brilliantly refreshing how early the Dutch eat dinner? When they're still laying out the cutlery in achingly hip Barcelona, they're hanging the Closed sign on the restaurant doors of old Amsterdam.
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The latest twist on the pampering concept is spa parties, where a group of friends take over an entire spa.
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I don't really care what people tell children - when you believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, one more fib won't hurt. But I am infuriated by the growing notion, posited in some touchy-feely quarters, that all women are, or can be, beautiful.
Julie Burchill
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Lots of women love to accuse men of being immature when the fellow in question displays a reluctance to commit...
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A woman who looks like a girl and thinks like a man is the best sort, the most enjoyable to be and the most pleasurable to have and to hold.
Julie Burchill
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Surely being a Professional Beauty - let alone an ageing one - is one of the most insecure and doomed careers imaginable.
Julie Burchill
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Being a monarchist - saying that one small group is born more worthy of respect than another - is just as warped and strange as being a racist.
Julie Burchill
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As a kid, I grew to define what I didn't want my life to be like by sitting behind moaning women on the bus, hearing them bang on about their aches and pains, both real and imagined.
Julie Burchill
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If you want sex, have an affair. If you want a relationship, buy a dog.
Julie Burchill
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But just think what a boring, bread-and-milk world this would be without the boastful.
Julie Burchill
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A wedding is a funeral which masquerades as a feast. And the greater the pageantry, the deeper the savagery.
Julie Burchill
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I'll declare my own interest right here at the start and admit that, like the vast majority of people, I find youthful looks appealing.
Julie Burchill
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When a man wants to relax, he will slob out and really relax. Or he will pursue a hobby - anything from building models to watching sport.
Julie Burchill
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Some say that Cusk has no sense of humour, but expecting giggles from this writer would be akin to expecting sonnets from Benny Hill.
Julie Burchill