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I'm scared. What will tomorrow bring? It has to be better than today. It has to.

Julie Anne Peters

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Julie Anne Peters
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: January 16
Author
Engineer
Writer
Jamestown
New York
Scared
Tomorrow
Bring
Today
Better

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That earns him a smack with my book bag. Ow. He clutches his arm. What do you have in there? Books? A grin snakes across his face. I like my women feisty. He adds, I like my broken.
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I didn't tell him. And I never told her the whole truth. What would it matter? There was nothing she could do nothing anyone can do or will do.
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What will I become? Because I won't be me any longer. That will be a relief. I dont want to be the helpless person I've always been.
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Why are people so cruel? What did I ever do to them?
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What you see, isn't always what you get
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I have no intent. I have no reason to live, that's all. When I'm gone, I don't want to be remembered.
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She responds by kissing me harder and longer and deeper. She loves me too. She's just afraid.
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I got singled out. I don't know why. Why do people always target me? Is it because I'm short and they figure I can't fight back? They're right, I can't, but it's not because I'm vertically challenged.
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Everyone's a liar. Everyone I've ever known.
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I want to tell them, Chip, Kim, there is no way to suicide-proof a person.
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Is that all I am? A friend? Of course not, I say. I love you. Am I the only one? she asks. Yes. Completely. First, last, and always.
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I don't have alot of people to talk to. Not alot of people are worth my time.
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Everything seems to be working. Except me. I'm broken.
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I don't sleep. All night long I'm wide awake, thinking, Secrets, secrets, secrets. There are secrets in my past no one needs to know. Secrets in my present that might kill Kim and Chip. I don't want to take my secrets with me when I go. When I pass through the light, i want to be free of everything and everyone.
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I think about my choice. Either outcome is bleak. If I stay and live through high school, go to college, get a job, what will ever change? This blackness inside will never go away. I don't make friends I'll always be alone. If I go, at least there's hope of peace. Chance of a new and better life on the other side.
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No one ever found out what was happening inside me. How the pain was eating me away. No one ever came to my rescue, or stood up for me.
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I hear you. I just don't believe a word you say.
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People don't change. There are two kinds of people in the world: winners and losers. Black and white. I don't know where gray fits in, or if you can even live in that shade.
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They didn't guarantee you'd come out a whole person.
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Secrets. I can't take then with me. If I do, when I go, when I arrive at my final destination, I'll be . . . impure.
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