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What did she see in me? What does she see that I don't?

Julie Anne Peters

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Julie Anne Peters
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: January 16
Author
Engineer
Writer
Jamestown
New York
Doe

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The truth remains. I was, and am, disgusted with myself.
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You would never understand, Kim. You think I'm normal you wish I was.
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What you see, isn't always what you get
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She responds by kissing me harder and longer and deeper. She loves me too. She's just afraid.
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As they were carting him off on a gurney, all I could think was, I wish that was me.
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I had to fight so hard not to cry.
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What will I become? Because I won't be me any longer. That will be a relief. I dont want to be the helpless person I've always been.
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Miracles don't happen. You make them happen. They're not wishes or dreams or candles on a cake. They're not impossible. Reality is real. It's totally and completely under my control.
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I won't be alive so I won't care who finds me.
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I don't sleep. All night long I'm wide awake, thinking, Secrets, secrets, secrets. There are secrets in my past no one needs to know. Secrets in my present that might kill Kim and Chip. I don't want to take my secrets with me when I go. When I pass through the light, i want to be free of everything and everyone.
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Why are people so cruel? What did I ever do to them?
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I know it's hard on her. If I don't tell her she'll kill me. He pauses. That was supposed to be funny.
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People don't change. There are two kinds of people in the world: winners and losers. Black and white. I don't know where gray fits in, or if you can even live in that shade.
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The sad truth is, they should never trust me.
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They didn't guarantee you'd come out a whole person.
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I got singled out. I don't know why. Why do people always target me? Is it because I'm short and they figure I can't fight back? They're right, I can't, but it's not because I'm vertically challenged.
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Yet, when we talked, when we were together, she seemed so familiar. Seemed to know who I was, where I was coming from. She knew me better than I knew myself, I think. She was easy to be with. And I wanted to be with her, like all the time.
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What can happen in a few minutes changes you forever.
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This is my vision-what I imagine I'll pass through on my way to the light. The blue sky, the clouds, the rays of light.
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Like anyone cared where I was, or who I was.
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