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What did she see in me? What does she see that I don't?

Julie Anne Peters

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Julie Anne Peters
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: January 16
Author
Engineer
Writer
Jamestown
New York
Doe

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The truth remains. I was, and am, disgusted with myself.
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I don't sleep. All night long I'm wide awake, thinking, Secrets, secrets, secrets. There are secrets in my past no one needs to know. Secrets in my present that might kill Kim and Chip. I don't want to take my secrets with me when I go. When I pass through the light, i want to be free of everything and everyone.
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Yeah, I loved her. I couldn't help it. She was my brother.
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No one ever found out what was happening inside me. How the pain was eating me away. No one ever came to my rescue, or stood up for me.
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As they were carting him off on a gurney, all I could think was, I wish that was me.
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Our eyes met across the crowded room, like in the movies, except we didn't share a knowing smile and race into each other's arms. Instead I fell into the trash can.
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People don't change. There are two kinds of people in the world: winners and losers. Black and white. I don't know where gray fits in, or if you can even live in that shade.
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At times like this, I'm thankful I don't feel love.
Julie Anne Peters
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Why are people so cruel? What did I ever do to them?
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My mother read that parents should spend quality time with their children. One way is to sign up for organized activities together. This month we're taking meditation to free the mind. Last month it was Rolfing. Have you ever Rolfed, Tone? Only after the school's shepherd's pie, I said.
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Is that all I am? A friend? Of course not, I say. I love you. Am I the only one? she asks. Yes. Completely. First, last, and always.
Julie Anne Peters
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Who becomes you? No one. No one should become me. When I die, I don't want my body or soul inhabited. I wouldn't wish me on anyone.
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His invitation lingers. So does my question. Why me? I don't know the answer. When I look at myself in the mirror, all I see is a starving, stunted bird who never grew wings and lost all reason to sing.
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And it’s more. It’s about getting past that question of whats wrong with me, to knowing there’s nothing wrong, that you were born this way. You're a normal person and a beautiful person and you should be proud of who you are. You deserve to live and live with dignity and show people your pride.
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What can happen in a few minutes changes you forever.
Julie Anne Peters
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...When I asked [my dad why the sky was blue] he said it was because God's a boy. If God were a girl, the sky would be pink. 'What about sunrise and sunset?' I'd asked. Dad had looked dumbfounded. 'You kids. You think too much.' It frightened me how shallow the gene pool was that Liam and I were wading in.
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I just want the pain to end.
Julie Anne Peters
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That same piercing screech in her voice every time at the hospital. Do something! When I slit my wrists. Help her! The last time too. Somebody help her. Help us! You're helpless, both of you. All of us.
Julie Anne Peters
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I'd decided to write him and tell him to leave me alone. Please, in a nice way, go away, I really can't deal with you.
Julie Anne Peters
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But I'm no hero. I had to keep my dirty little secret. The worst sin I committed was holding it in letting the secret blacken me.
Julie Anne Peters