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I hated him. I hated them all. They made me hate myself even more than I already did.

Julie Anne Peters

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Julie Anne Peters
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: January 16
Author
Engineer
Writer
Jamestown
New York
Already
Hate
Even
Made
Hated

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They didn't guarantee you'd come out a whole person.
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His eyes are like a telescope. I look into them and I'm transported across the universe to a world I've never been.
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I just want the pain to end.
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But you'd sell your soul for it, wouldn't you? For one day of feeling beautiful.
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I wish I could tell my parents, If you want to help me, help me die.
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Cut the ending. Revise the script. The man of her dreams is a girl.
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I have no intent. I have no reason to live, that's all. When I'm gone, I don't want to be remembered.
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It was her way of saying, You should kill yourself.
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People don't change. There are two kinds of people in the world: winners and losers. Black and white. I don't know where gray fits in, or if you can even live in that shade.
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His invitation lingers. So does my question. Why me? I don't know the answer. When I look at myself in the mirror, all I see is a starving, stunted bird who never grew wings and lost all reason to sing.
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I didn't tell him. And I never told her the whole truth. What would it matter? There was nothing she could do nothing anyone can do or will do.
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Is that all I am? A friend? Of course not, I say. I love you. Am I the only one? she asks. Yes. Completely. First, last, and always.
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No one ever found out what was happening inside me. How the pain was eating me away. No one ever came to my rescue, or stood up for me.
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Me? I had no dreams. No longings. Dreams only set you up for disappointment. Plus, you had to have a life to have dreams of a better life.
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It was all about hate. There should be laws. We're there laws? Can you legislate against hatred?
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I won't be alive so I won't care who finds me.
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I think about my choice. Either outcome is bleak. If I stay and live through high school, go to college, get a job, what will ever change? This blackness inside will never go away. I don't make friends I'll always be alone. If I go, at least there's hope of peace. Chance of a new and better life on the other side.
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Take it as a token. Because tomorrow when I go, I want you to believe friends are possible.
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I don't have to answer. Until you know the question.
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My mother read that parents should spend quality time with their children. One way is to sign up for organized activities together. This month we're taking meditation to free the mind. Last month it was Rolfing. Have you ever Rolfed, Tone? Only after the school's shepherd's pie, I said.
Julie Anne Peters