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I didn't tell him. And I never told her the whole truth. What would it matter? There was nothing she could do nothing anyone can do or will do.

Julie Anne Peters

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Julie Anne Peters
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: January 16
Author
Engineer
Writer
Jamestown
New York
Truth
Nothing
Matter
Whole
Never
Told
Would
Anyone
Tell
Didn

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No one ever found out what was happening inside me. How the pain was eating me away. No one ever came to my rescue, or stood up for me.
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I know it's hard on her. If I don't tell her she'll kill me. He pauses. That was supposed to be funny.
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Like anyone cared where I was, or who I was.
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But you'd sell your soul for it, wouldn't you? For one day of feeling beautiful.
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I'd decided to write him and tell him to leave me alone. Please, in a nice way, go away, I really can't deal with you.
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What will I become? Because I won't be me any longer. That will be a relief. I dont want to be the helpless person I've always been.
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I want to tell them, Chip, Kim, there is no way to suicide-proof a person.
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Yet, when we talked, when we were together, she seemed so familiar. Seemed to know who I was, where I was coming from. She knew me better than I knew myself, I think. She was easy to be with. And I wanted to be with her, like all the time.
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Miracles don't happen. You make them happen. They're not wishes or dreams or candles on a cake. They're not impossible. Reality is real. It's totally and completely under my control.
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I hated him. I hated them all. They made me hate myself even more than I already did.
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Who becomes you? No one. No one should become me. When I die, I don't want my body or soul inhabited. I wouldn't wish me on anyone.
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What can happen in a few minutes changes you forever.
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They didn't guarantee you'd come out a whole person.
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I think about my choice. Either outcome is bleak. If I stay and live through high school, go to college, get a job, what will ever change? This blackness inside will never go away. I don't make friends I'll always be alone. If I go, at least there's hope of peace. Chance of a new and better life on the other side.
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Is that all I am? A friend? Of course not, I say. I love you. Am I the only one? she asks. Yes. Completely. First, last, and always.
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I have no intent. I have no reason to live, that's all. When I'm gone, I don't want to be remembered.
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Cut the ending. Revise the script. The man of her dreams is a girl.
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His eyes are like a telescope. I look into them and I'm transported across the universe to a world I've never been.
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