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One legged chickens, I know, are the least apt to scratch a garden.

Josh Billings

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Josh Billings
Age: 67 †
Born: 1818
Born: April 21
Died: 1885
Died: October 14
Humorist
Writer
Lanesboro
Massachusetts
Henry Wheeler Shaw
Legged
Scratch
Scratches
Chickens
Garden
Least

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A secret ceases to be a secret if it is once confided - it is like a dollar bill, once broken, it is never a dollar again.
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There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.
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Metaphysics is the science of proving what we don't understand.
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I don't care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words.
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Debt is a trap which man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.
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To enjoy a good reputation, give publicly, and steal privately.
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Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.
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A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that's lost-he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.
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Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.
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The hardest thing any man can do is to fall down on the ice when it's slippery, and get up and praise the Lord.
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It's not ignorance does so much damage it's knowin' so derned much that ain't so.
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There's tons of people that spend a lot time watching their well being, they have not acquired time to take pleasure in it.
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It ain't no disgrace for a man to fall, but to lie there and grunt is.
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Early genius, like early cabbage, does not head well.
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One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
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When good-natured people leave us we look forward with extra pleasure to their return.
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Dr. Holmes says, both wittily and truly, that crying widows are easiest consoled.
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Ignorance ain't not knowin' stuff ignorance is knowin' stuff that AIN'T TRUE.
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