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One legged chickens, I know, are the least apt to scratch a garden.

Josh Billings

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Josh Billings
Age: 67 †
Born: 1818
Born: April 21
Died: 1885
Died: October 14
Humorist
Writer
Lanesboro
Massachusetts
Henry Wheeler Shaw
Scratches
Chickens
Garden
Least
Legged
Scratch

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Incredulity is the wisdom of the fool.
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Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.
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It's not ignorance does so much damage it's knowin' so derned much that ain't so.
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A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
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A learned fool is one who has read everything and simply remembered it.
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I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.
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One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.
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The lion and the lamb may, possibly, sumtime lay down in this world together for a fu minnits, but when the lion kums tew git up, the lamb will be missing.
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The books are balanced in heaven, not here.
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Fuss is half-sister to hurry, and neither of them can do anything without getting in their own way.
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I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.
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As a general thing, an individual who is neat in his person is neat in his morals.
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Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.
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Peace is the soft and holy shadow that virtue casts.
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Nature makes all the noblemen wealth, education, or pedigree never made one yet.
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It's not so hard to get rich as it is to know when you have gotten rich.
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Pyrotechnically considered, [laughing] is the fire-works of the soul.
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The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.
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Dr. Holmes says, both wittily and truly, that crying widows are easiest consoled.
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The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.
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