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You can reach stupidity only with a cannon ball.

Josh Billings

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Josh Billings
Age: 67 †
Born: 1818
Born: April 21
Died: 1885
Died: October 14
Humorist
Writer
Lanesboro
Massachusetts
Henry Wheeler Shaw
Cannon
Cannons
Stupidity
Ball
Balls
Reach

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If you would make yourself agreeable wherever you go, listen to the grievances of others but never relate your own.
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The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
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Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
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It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.
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Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.
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Self-made men are most always apt to be a little too proud of the job.
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There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they actually can't tell the truth without lying.
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Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
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Theres not a lot of good humor in medicine, but theres a lot of medicine in good humor.
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Ignorance is the wet-nurse of prejudice.
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It AIN'T so much the things we don't know that get us into trouble. It's the things we know that just ain't so.
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One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
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Successful writers learn at last what they should learn at first,--to be intelligently simple.
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Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.
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It's not ignorance does so much damage it's knowin' so derned much that ain't so.
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Metaphysics is the science of proving what we don't understand.
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A good reliable set of bowels is worth more to a man than any quantity of brains.
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When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.
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The best condition in life is to be not so rich as to be envied nor so poor as to be damned.
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Pedigrees seldom improve by age the grandson is too often a weak infringement on the grandsire's parent.
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