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If mankind were only just what they pretend to be, the problem of the millennium would be immediately solved.
Josh Billings
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Josh Billings
Age: 67 †
Born: 1818
Born: April 21
Died: 1885
Died: October 14
Humorist
Writer
Lanesboro
Massachusetts
Henry Wheeler Shaw
Solved
Deceit
Pretend
Immediately
Mankind
Problem
Would
Millennium
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Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.
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Poverty is one of them kind of misfortunes that we all of us dread but none of us pity.
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Fun is a sugar-coated physic.
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Pedantry is paraded knowledge.
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Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
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Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs.
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The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
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Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.
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Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.
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The truly innocent are those who not only are guiltless themselves but who think others are.
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You cannot analyze a kiss any more than you can dissect the fragrance of flowers.
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Menny think tha luv their husbands almost tew deth, when in fack, tha are only jealous ov them.
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I hold that a man has as much right to spell a word as it is pronounced as he has to pronounce it the way it ain't spelled.
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There is a sort of charm in ugliness, if the person has some redeeming qualities and is only ugly enough.
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There is only one good substitute for the endearments of a sister, and that is the endearments of some other fellow's sister.
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Everybody in this world wants watching, but nobody more than ourselves.
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Genuine laughing is the vent of the soul, the nostrils of the heart, and just as necessary for health and happiness as spring water is for a trout.
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Silence never makes any blunders.
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Ignorance is the wet-nurse of prejudice.
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Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
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