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I don't never have any trouble in regulating my own conduct, but to keep other folks' straight is what bothers me.

Josh Billings

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Josh Billings
Age: 67 †
Born: 1818
Born: April 21
Died: 1885
Died: October 14
Humorist
Writer
Lanesboro
Massachusetts
Henry Wheeler Shaw
Folks
Trouble
Keep
Regulating
Never
Bothers
Hypocrisy
Conduct
Bother
Straight

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There is a sort of charm in ugliness, if the person has some redeeming qualities and is only ugly enough.
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The nearest we can come to) perfect happiness is to cheat ourselves with the belief that we have got it.
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Take the humbug out of this world, and you haven't much left to do business with.
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Peace is the soft and holy shadow that virtue casts.
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A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
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Menny think tha luv their husbands almost tew deth, when in fack, tha are only jealous ov them.
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Theory looks well on paper, but does not amount to anything without practice.
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As a general thing, an individual who is neat in his person is neat in his morals.
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Plenty of folks are so contrary that if they should fall into the river, they would insist upon floating upstream.
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There is no passion of the human heart that promises so much and pays so little as revenge.
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The lion and the lamb may, possibly, sumtime lay down in this world together for a fu minnits, but when the lion kums tew git up, the lamb will be missing.
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As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness our bad luck we give the gods credit for.
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You can reach stupidity only with a cannon ball.
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Building air castles is a harmless business as long as you don't attempt to live in them.
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When the truth is in your way, you are on the wrong road.
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There is only one good substitute for the endearments of a sister, and that is the endearments of some other fellow's sister.
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The man who has never been tempted doesn't know how dishonest he is.
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The trouble with most folks isn't their ignorance. It's knowin' so many things that ain't so.
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