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When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.

Josh Billings

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Josh Billings
Age: 67 †
Born: 1818
Born: April 21
Died: 1885
Died: October 14
Humorist
Writer
Lanesboro
Massachusetts
Henry Wheeler Shaw
Giving
Kind
Men
Advice
Wants
Comedy
Comes
Give
Find

More quotes by Josh Billings

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Lying is like trying to hide in a fog: If you move about you're in danger of bumping your head against the truth, and as soon as the fog blows off, you are gone anyhow.
Josh Billings
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Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.
Josh Billings
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The nearest we can come to) perfect happiness is to cheat ourselves with the belief that we have got it.
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Everybody in this world wants watching, but nobody more than ourselves.
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About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.
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Admiration is a youthful fancy will which scarcely ever survives to mature years.
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Advice maybe wrong, but examples prove themselves.
Josh Billings
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I called my cat William because no shorter name fits the dignity of his character. Poor old man, he has fits now, so I call him Fitz-William.
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Method is the arithmetic of success.
Josh Billings
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It is a great deal easier for a man to find a pedigree to fit his virtues than virtues to fit his pedigree.
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Beauty is a very handy thing to have, especially for a woman who ain't handsome.
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Love looks through a telescope envy, through a microscope.
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Self-made men are most always apt to be a little too proud of the job.
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Vanity is a strange passion rather than be out of a job it will brag of its vices.
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Ambition is like hunger it obeys no law but its appetite
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I hold that a man has as much right to spell a word as it is pronounced as he has to pronounce it the way it ain't spelled.
Josh Billings
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Titles are valuable they make us acquainted with many persons who otherwise would be lost among the rubbish.
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It is easier to be virtuous than it is to appear so, and it pays better.
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Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Josh Billings
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One legged chickens, I know, are the least apt to scratch a garden.
Josh Billings