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In the whole history of the world there is but one thing that money cannot buy...to wit--the wag of a dog's tail.

Josh Billings

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Josh Billings
Age: 67 †
Born: 1818
Born: April 21
Died: 1885
Died: October 14
Humorist
Writer
Lanesboro
Massachusetts
Henry Wheeler Shaw
Cannot
Whole
Wags
Thing
Tail
World
Tails
Wit
Dog
History
Money

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Self-made men are most always apt to be a little too proud of the job.
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The lion and the lamb may, possibly, sumtime lay down in this world together for a fu minnits, but when the lion kums tew git up, the lamb will be missing.
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I don't never have any trouble in regulating my own conduct, but to keep other folks' straight is what bothers me.
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Silence is one of the hardest kind of arguments to refute. There is no good substitute for wisdom but silence is the best that has yet been discovered.
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Health is like money, we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it.
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About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
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A good reliable set of bowels is worth more to a man than any quantity of brains.
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As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
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Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.
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Nature makes all the noblemen wealth, education, or pedigree never made one yet.
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The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.
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Genuine laughing is the vent of the soul, the nostrils of the heart, and just as necessary for health and happiness as spring water is for a trout.
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You cannot analyze a kiss any more than you can dissect the fragrance of flowers.
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Opinions should be formed with great caution, and changed with greater.
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If you believe you can do something, then you can acquire the ability to do it even if you didn't have it in the beginning.
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Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.
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Metaphysics is the science of proving what we don't understand.
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The more humble a man is before God the more he will be exalted the more humble he is before man, the more he will get rode roughshod.
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There is no passion of the human heart that promises so much and pays so little as revenge.
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If mankind were only just what they pretend to be, the problem of the millennium would be immediately solved.
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