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Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.

Josh Billings

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Josh Billings
Age: 67 †
Born: 1818
Born: April 21
Died: 1885
Died: October 14
Humorist
Writer
Lanesboro
Massachusetts
Henry Wheeler Shaw
Life
Ruined
Ruins
Short
Wants
Funny
Enough
Long
Men
Ruin

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Beauty is a very handy thing to have, especially for a woman who ain't handsome.
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The quickest way to take the starch out of someone who is always blaming himself is to agree with him.
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Menny think tha luv their husbands almost tew deth, when in fack, tha are only jealous ov them.
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A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
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I called my cat William because no shorter name fits the dignity of his character. Poor old man, he has fits now, so I call him Fitz-William.
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You can reach stupidity only with a cannon ball.
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Dr. Holmes says, both wittily and truly, that crying widows are easiest consoled.
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When good-natured people leave us we look forward with extra pleasure to their return.
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Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.
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Show me a thoroughly contented person, and I will show you a useless one.
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Successful writers learn at last what they should learn at first,--to be intelligently simple.
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Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words.
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As a general thing, an individual who is neat in his person is neat in his morals.
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Ambition is like hunger it obeys no law but its appetite
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If you would make yourself agreeable wherever you go, listen to the grievances of others but never relate your own.
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If mankind were only just what they pretend to be, the problem of the millennium would be immediately solved.
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Admiration is a youthful fancy will which scarcely ever survives to mature years.
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True valor is like honesty it enters into all that a man sees and does.
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I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.
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Silence is said to be golden, but the best fools the world has ever produced had nothing to say on the subject
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