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The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Upon
Women
Like
Relied
Maniacs
Safely
Promises
Promise

More quotes by Joseph Heller

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There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy ... There's a catch. Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy.
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Death to all modifiers, he declared one day, and out of every letter that passed through his hands went every adverb and every adjective.
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Something did happen to me somewhere that robbed me of confidence and courage and left me with a fear of discovery and change and a positive dread of everything unknown that may occur.
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Under Colonel Korn's rule, the only people permitted to ask questions were those who never did.
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If character is destiny, the good are damned.
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It's a wise person, I guess, who knows he's dumb, and an honest person who knows he's a liar. And it's a dumb person, I guess, whose convinced he's wise...-Bob Slocum
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I don't believe in miracles because it's been a long time since we've had any.
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The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.
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He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.
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Let's take a drive into the middle of nowhere with a packet of Marlboro lights and talk about our lives.
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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
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I think in every country that there is at least one executive who is scared of going crazy.
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How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
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The country was in peril he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.
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When I read something saying I've not done anything as good as 'Catch-22' I'm tempted to reply, 'Who has?'
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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
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I'll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning
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It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude.
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Hasn't it ever occurred to you that in your promiscuous pursuit of women you are merely trying to assuage your subconscious fears of sexual impotence? Yes, sir, it has. Then why do you do it? To assuage my fears of sexual impotence.
Joseph Heller
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The body stores the trauma of our lives in muscular rigidity, thereby keeping us stuck in the past. When we release the tension in the body and align ourselves with gravity, we take a new stand in life. This allows us to be at ease with ourselves and in harmony in our relationship to others and to our planet.
Joseph Heller