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The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Women
Like
Relied
Maniacs
Safely
Promises
Promise
Upon

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The country was in peril he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.
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Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
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What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
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History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.
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Where were you born? On a battlefield, [Yossarian] answered. No, no. In what state were you born? In a state of innocence.
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Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?
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Yossarian decided to change the subject. Now you're changing the subject. he pointed out diplomatically. I'll bet I can name two things to be miserable about for every one you can name to be thankful for.
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mankind is resilient: the atrocities that horrified us a week ago become acceptable tomorrow.
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Everything passes. (That's what makes it endurable.)
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He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.
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All through the night, men looked at the sky and were saddened by the stars.
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Under Colonel Korn's rule, the only people permitted to ask questions were those who never did.
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The night was full of horrors, and he thought he knew how Christ must have felt as he walked through the world, like a psychiatrist through a ward full of nuts.
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There was no telling what people might find out once they felt free to ask whatever questions they wanted to.
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How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
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Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.
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Every writer I know has trouble writing.
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where are the snowdens of yesteryear?
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If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate?
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From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.
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