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The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.
Joseph Heller
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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Women
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Relied
Maniacs
Safely
Promises
Promise
Upon
More quotes by Joseph Heller
Only Hungry Joe had something better to do each time he finished his missions. He had screaming nightmares and won fist fights with Huple's cat.
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I could not write about a subject sacred to me because I would be too flippant. Fortunately, there are no subjects sacred to me.
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The laws of nature are only as immutable as the minds which promote them. Ignorance of the law is 9/10ths of the law. Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
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In short, Clevinger was one of those people with lots of intelligence and no brains, and everyone knew it except those who soon found it out.
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Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?
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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.
Joseph Heller
From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.
Joseph Heller
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
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There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy ... There's a catch. Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy.
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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
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Well then I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I?
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He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.
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History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.
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Insanity is contagious.
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where are the snowdens of yesteryear?
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I can't start writing until I have a closing line.
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The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.
Joseph Heller
It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude.
Joseph Heller
...[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for.
Joseph Heller
I've come to look upon death the same way I look upon root-canal work. Everyone else seems to get through it all right, so it couldn't be too difficult for me.
Joseph Heller