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From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Men
Motivated
Lasting
Teach
Moral
History
Comes
Ever
Certitude
Good
Teaches

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If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate?
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It's a wise person, I guess, who knows he's dumb, and an honest person who knows he's a liar. And it's a dumb person, I guess, whose convinced he's wise...-Bob Slocum
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You're an intelligent person of great moral character who has taken a very courageous stand. I'm an intelligent person with no moral character at all, so I'm in an ideal position to appreciate it.
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In short, Clevinger was one of those people with lots of intelligence and no brains, and everyone knew it except those who soon found it out.
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I wouldn't want to live without strong misgivings.
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There is no disappointment so numbing...as someone no better than you achieving more.
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All through the night, men looked at the sky and were saddened by the stars.
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Erogenous zones are either everywhere or nowhere.
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Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.
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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
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Every writer I know has trouble writing.
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For war there is always enough. It's peace that's expensive.
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How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
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¨ Oh, I´m not complaining. I know there´s a war on. I know a lot of people are going to have to suffer for us to win it. But why must I be one of them?¨
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I could not write about a subject sacred to me because I would be too flippant. Fortunately, there are no subjects sacred to me.
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The enemy, retorted Yossarian with weighted precision, is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on, and that includes Colonel Cathcart. And don't you forget that, because the longer you remember it, the longer you might live.
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Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.
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What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
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It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude.
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