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I don't believe in miracles because it's been a long time since we've had any.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Long
Believe
Time
Miracles
Miracle
Since

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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
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If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate?
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Erogenous zones are either everywhere or nowhere.
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Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him.
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There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy ... There's a catch. Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy.
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The body stores the trauma of our lives in muscular rigidity, thereby keeping us stuck in the past. When we release the tension in the body and align ourselves with gravity, we take a new stand in life. This allows us to be at ease with ourselves and in harmony in our relationship to others and to our planet.
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where are the snowdens of yesteryear?
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What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
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Rise above principal and do what's right.
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The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.
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Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.
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Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising.
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I can't start writing until I have a closing line.
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He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.
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Just for once I'd like to see all these things sort of straightened out, with each person getting exactly what he deserves. It might give me some confidence in this universe.
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
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All of our religions but the Judaic and the Greek think more of us dead than alive.
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Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
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The night was full of horrors, and he thought he knew how Christ must have felt as he walked through the world, like a psychiatrist through a ward full of nuts.
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The laws of nature are only as immutable as the minds which promote them. Ignorance of the law is 9/10ths of the law. Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
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