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I don't believe in miracles because it's been a long time since we've had any.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Miracle
Since
Long
Believe
Time
Miracles

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For war there is always enough. It's peace that's expensive.
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I don't understand the process of imagination-though I know that I am very much at its mercy.
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I am miracle ingredient Z-247. I'm immense. I'm a real, slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I'm a bona fide supraman.
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...[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for.
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I'll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning
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How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
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Where were you born? On a battlefield, [Yossarian] answered. No, no. In what state were you born? In a state of innocence.
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Every writer I know has trouble writing.
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I can't start writing until I have a closing line.
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I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.
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I think that maybe inside any business, there is someone slowly going crazy
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There was no telling what people might find out once they felt free to ask whatever questions they wanted to.
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Everybody is as unstable as water.
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The laws of nature are only as immutable as the minds which promote them. Ignorance of the law is 9/10ths of the law. Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
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Erogenous zones are either everywhere or nowhere.
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All through the night, men looked at the sky and were saddened by the stars.
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I could not write about a subject sacred to me because I would be too flippant. Fortunately, there are no subjects sacred to me.
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All of our religions but the Judaic and the Greek think more of us dead than alive.
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Let's take a drive into the middle of nowhere with a packet of Marlboro lights and talk about our lives.
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Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.
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