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I can't start writing until I have a closing line.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Closing
Line
Lines
Start
Writing

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And anything worth dying for
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Just for once I'd like to see all these things sort of straightened out, with each person getting exactly what he deserves. It might give me some confidence in this universe.
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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
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Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.
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The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.
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When I read something saying I've not done anything as good as 'Catch-22' I'm tempted to reply, 'Who has?'
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Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising.
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Let's take a drive into the middle of nowhere with a packet of Marlboro lights and talk about our lives.
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where are the snowdens of yesteryear?
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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
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The night was full of horrors, and he thought he knew how Christ must have felt as he walked through the world, like a psychiatrist through a ward full of nuts.
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Every writer I know has trouble writing.
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How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
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I think that maybe inside any business, there is someone slowly going crazy
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Erogenous zones are either everywhere or nowhere.
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There was no telling what people might find out once they felt free to ask whatever questions they wanted to.
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Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.
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It's a wise person, I guess, who knows he's dumb, and an honest person who knows he's a liar. And it's a dumb person, I guess, whose convinced he's wise...-Bob Slocum
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Rise above principal and do what's right.
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