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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Thing
Long
Predictably
Accidental
Worked
Failure
Running
Else

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How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
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For war there is always enough. It's peace that's expensive.
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Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
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He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.
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He was sick with lust and mesmerized with regret
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And anything worth dying for
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If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate?
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It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude.
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The night was full of horrors, and he thought he knew how Christ must have felt as he walked through the world, like a psychiatrist through a ward full of nuts.
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Now you've given them hope, and they're unhappy. So the blame is all yours.
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The body stores the trauma of our lives in muscular rigidity, thereby keeping us stuck in the past. When we release the tension in the body and align ourselves with gravity, we take a new stand in life. This allows us to be at ease with ourselves and in harmony in our relationship to others and to our planet.
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He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.
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In short, Clevinger was one of those people with lots of intelligence and no brains, and everyone knew it except those who soon found it out.
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If God was dead, how could I feel this bad?
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Prostitution gives her an opportunity to meet people. It provides fresh air and wholesome exercise, and it keeps her out of trouble.
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Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising.
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Let's take a drive into the middle of nowhere with a packet of Marlboro lights and talk about our lives.
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Everybody is as unstable as water.
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They couldn't keep Death out, but while she was in she had to act like a lady.
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If character is destiny, the good are damned.
Joseph Heller