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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Worked
Failure
Running
Else
Thing
Long
Predictably
Accidental

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From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.
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If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate?
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Well then I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I?
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I don't understand the process of imagination-though I know that I am very much at its mercy.
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Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?
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He was sick with lust and mesmerized with regret
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Where were you born? On a battlefield, [Yossarian] answered. No, no. In what state were you born? In a state of innocence.
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Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.
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I am miracle ingredient Z-247. I'm immense. I'm a real, slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I'm a bona fide supraman.
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There was no telling what people might find out once they felt free to ask whatever questions they wanted to.
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Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising.
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It is the anonymous they, the enigmatic they who are in charge. Who is they? I don't know. Nobody knows. Not even they themselves.
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Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him.
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I've come to look upon death the same way I look upon root-canal work. Everyone else seems to get through it all right, so it couldn't be too difficult for me.
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Insanity is contagious.
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The body stores the trauma of our lives in muscular rigidity, thereby keeping us stuck in the past. When we release the tension in the body and align ourselves with gravity, we take a new stand in life. This allows us to be at ease with ourselves and in harmony in our relationship to others and to our planet.
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I'll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning
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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
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History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.
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Everything passes. (That's what makes it endurable.)
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