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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Running
Else
Thing
Long
Predictably
Accidental
Worked
Failure

More quotes by Joseph Heller

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I could not write about a subject sacred to me because I would be too flippant. Fortunately, there are no subjects sacred to me.
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Where were you born? On a battlefield, [Yossarian] answered. No, no. In what state were you born? In a state of innocence.
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Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him.
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History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.
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I can't start writing until I have a closing line.
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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
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He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.
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Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.
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If character is destiny, the good are damned.
Joseph Heller
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How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
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Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.
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The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.
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In short, Clevinger was one of those people with lots of intelligence and no brains, and everyone knew it except those who soon found it out.
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A man's head is his castle.
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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
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Prostitution gives her an opportunity to meet people. It provides fresh air and wholesome exercise, and it keeps her out of trouble.
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What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
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All of our religions but the Judaic and the Greek think more of us dead than alive.
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Rise above principal and do what's right.
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Just for once I'd like to see all these things sort of straightened out, with each person getting exactly what he deserves. It might give me some confidence in this universe.
Joseph Heller