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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Else
Thing
Long
Predictably
Accidental
Worked
Failure
Running

More quotes by Joseph Heller

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Prostitution gives her an opportunity to meet people. It provides fresh air and wholesome exercise, and it keeps her out of trouble.
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where are the snowdens of yesteryear?
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He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.
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Only Hungry Joe had something better to do each time he finished his missions. He had screaming nightmares and won fist fights with Huple's cat.
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I can't start writing until I have a closing line.
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I think that maybe inside any business, there is someone slowly going crazy
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History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.
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There is no disappointment so numbing...as someone no better than you achieving more.
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I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.
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The night was full of horrors, and he thought he knew how Christ must have felt as he walked through the world, like a psychiatrist through a ward full of nuts.
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I could not write about a subject sacred to me because I would be too flippant. Fortunately, there are no subjects sacred to me.
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It's a wise person, I guess, who knows he's dumb, and an honest person who knows he's a liar. And it's a dumb person, I guess, whose convinced he's wise...-Bob Slocum
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
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Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.
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If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate?
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I'll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning
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mankind is resilient: the atrocities that horrified us a week ago become acceptable tomorrow.
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Everything passes. (That's what makes it endurable.)
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It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude.
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The laws of nature are only as immutable as the minds which promote them. Ignorance of the law is 9/10ths of the law. Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
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